09:57 - 
Funny
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Funny
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Funny Quotes 2
- Don't be so humble - you are not that great. ― Golda Meir
- I do not know the American gentleman, God forgive me for putting two such words together. ― Charles Dickens
- What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife. ― Rodney Dangerfield
- A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, "At my age, I don't even buy green bananas." ― Claude Pepper
- When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity. ― Albert Einstein
- A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours. ― Milton Berle
- A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. ― Lana Turner
- Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you. ― Joey Adams
- My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is. ― Ellen DeGeneres
- Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings. ― Robert Benchley
- I can tell if two people are in love by how they hold each other’s hands, and how thick their sanitation gloves are. ― Jarod Kintz
- You know, sometimes kids get bad grades in school because the class moves too slow for them. Einstein got D's in school. Well guess what, I get F's!!! ― Bill Watterson
- Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking. ― Dave Barry
- Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason. ― José Maria de Eça de Queiroz
- Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go. ― Oscar Wilde
- When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years. ― Mark Twain
- Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong. ― Unknown
- My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing. ― Emo Philips
- I don't hate you.. I just don't like that you exist. ― Gena Showalter
- Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot. ― Groucho Marx
- I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people. ― Rodney Dangerfield
- A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree. ― Spike Milligan
- I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her. ― Rodney Dangerfield
- The secret to staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. ― Lucille Ball
- I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder. ― Steven Wright
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